Gentlemen and Ladies, please relax and enjoy the show. Today's performance will end in a surefire... bang. But, let's not delay by being pun-y. Let's all join hands and prepare to jump on top of the missile-launching red button of the book loving world: Twilight.
I'm sure you all saw that one coming; straight at you in fact.
Before we go any further, I must make one thing clear: I don't really take a side on this argument; simply think of this as a movie/book review. Now that that's been settled, one-by-one I'd like to throw out the biggest arguments: characters, plot, and other books. I'd could talk all day about every single one of them and even wrote an essay about the argument for English class with 5 of my best friends, but I won't bore you. No, I'm going to try writing this absolutely on the fly; so expect copious amounts of sarcasm and digression.
The basics, in my eyes, are this: Isabella, Edward, Emmett, Esme, and many of the inhabitants of the highschool are pretty bland, with little to say of any real importance. Actually most of the characters are like this; when Izzy narrates something to us in her head, another character feels it's necessary to say the same exact thing but in distracting fancy language. Some are worse than others (the high-school girls being the absolute worst), but they all have the general feel.
Personally, I feel it's a shame that Mrs. Meyers does all this explaining about how old the Cullens are; how much of the world they've seen and how much they've done - good and bad. I just wish she would've inhabited the spirit of Tim O'Brian, bringing up memories from their lives before Izzy. It would make them much more interesting characters. Certainly, Meyers tried to include bits (Alice discovering her family and Rosalie's posthumous rampage with the intent to drive her rapists into madness are good examples), but they seem almost like divergences when little can be said about what's happening. Honestly, I would've loved to know about Jasper's Civil War background BEFORE they came out with The Book of Answers came out.
And another thing (because I'm trying to cut down on other things), the villains. Ohmigoodness have me and my friends had a field day with them. As an overview, they all could have been better. The Volturi are built up throughout the first book and beginning of the second as the demon-like creatures of the night - the classic vampire. However, when the time comes for their big reveal, it was lackluster and disappointing. Meyers (in The Book of Answers) describes members of the Guard and the Leaders as cold, calculating, and vicious while still being charming and alluring enough to draw you in til it's too late. Sadly, they came off as flat. Although my friend Emma and I died laughing when Michael Sheen said he "sounded like the blue meanie" when he got into character, I had to agree with him.
The portrayal was border-line comical, on all accounts. Even the characters I enjoyed were drier than stale Walker biscuits; and when I read these books in 6th grade I hadn't gotten into tea yet.
Surprisingly, I have less to say about the plot. To quote a good friend of mine,"said barely there plot goes nowhere". This doesn't apply entirely to Twilight, but it does to a great deal of it. There is this continuing threat to Izzy through books 1,2, and 3 that a small nomadic clan started a game to track (and kill) Izzy. The Cullens won't let this happen (to some people's disappointment), so am1/2 war ensues that ends with all the nomads dead at the end of the 3rd book. It's not even the end of the series and the ENTIRE plot has dropped. Personally, the 4th book plot pick-up-attempt could've been good. I mean, human-vampire hybrids? In any other circumstance, that's pretty badass. But, like everything in this series, it's pretty domestic (they don't even have venom; what kind of cop-out is that?). Renesme doesn't do much and the whole mounting up to the arrival of the Volturi is played up well, but falls flat yet again. This is partly due to the fact that they invade Washington to kill Renesme, then decide that it isn't feasible with the Cullens and they're buddies all standing around, so the disappear. Nursing wounds does not make for exciting reading material.
And finally, the last argument. This will take me less than 5 sentences to diffuse entirely. Twilight is not Harry Potter or Hunger Games or Percy Jackson or any other book series. They will not mix, just like how sour grapes doesn't taste good with battery acid, peanut butter, or laundry detergent. And a quick message from Margot: Get over yourselves!
Well, thank you for reading and I hope I didn't offend anyone! Feel free to ask questions and bother me some more if you want to make a point.
Best,
Carie
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